Live at Buckethead Tavern, Knoxville, TN (8/3/19)
A show review by #SuperFan Lil’ Randy
It has taken way too long to get this show review out to you all this week. We are just shy of a skinny dog’s ass to it being near a week from the actual show. I sincerely want to apologize to everyone. We’ve been experiencing a hostile invasion of extremely belligerent raccoons this week. They won’t tell me what they are here for, what their demands are, or what that lovely odor that has permeated across the dirt farm all week that I can only assume they brought with them might be. At the risk of sounding like an incoherently disturbing old coot, I have come to the non-data driven conclusion that I am defending my dirt farm against a violent raccoon coup, in which they will kill anyone in their path to get whatever it is that they want. Their leader, whom I have named Ray Guevara after the Marxist Revolutionary, Che Guevara because no one around here can pronounce Che, has been utilizing guerilla style tactics aimed at bringing my dirt farm empire to its knees. I’ve been using mostly fireworks to fend them off, but my stocks have become depleted and I need more, so please send fireworks!!! You may be asking yourself why it is that I have been stockpiling fireworks, to which I respond, you never know when a party will break out or when you’ll have to fend off a violent raccoon takeover attempt. It is best just to accept the ways of the dirt farm and move on.
At any rate, there were supposed to be two shows last week, but the first on Thursday was canceled due to a freak storm that appeared directly over top the Calhoun’s on Neyland Drive on Thursday evening. So by the time Saturday rolled around I was ready for a pudding pop and a good alternative folk show at Buckethead Tavern located directly across Ray Mears boulevard from Target. I was a bit concerned that not many people were going to show up despite the wonderful patio area at this establishment. Nice and shady outside to cool your knees after a long day of blowing up balloons just for popping. My fears were soon put to rest, just like what I’m about to do to this arbitrary raccoon assault, once the guys started playing. The crowd began growing and became very responsive, sometimes too responsive. I’m referring to the drunken staph-infected gym towel that decided he needed to heckle. Apparently this guy had been hitting the wine coolers and Mike’s Hard Lemonades heavy this particular Saturday evening. “Stop mumbling into the f@#$^ing mic, `` was the first thing that came out of this sunburned third grader who had the appearance of recently being smashed in the forehead with a 2x4. “Is that a full banjo?” came next. He then proceeded to yell throughout the beginning part of Jolene. I can only imagine that what he inaudibly yelled during that time was exactly what we need to do to solve the mysteries of the universe, create world peace, and how he most likely does unspeakable things with mayonnaise in the construction of sandwiches in both public and private settings when he entertains out of work rodeo clowns and hastily organized groups of people that don’t get the expressed written consent of Major League Baseball. I will give him credit in the wardrobe department, as he was presumably wearing his finest Nike tank top, with which, I”m sure, he has scored with “so many of them chics over dare (Chicago accent)” while wearing. If a tanning salon screwed an outlet mall and shat out a love child, it would be that guy. I’ve seen truck stop restrooms that look better than he did, and were way more insightful.
Anyway, the extremely helpful wait staff finally got that guy to shut up and sent him on his way, while the crowd continued to grow. The guys played well into the night and potentially picked up some new fans and got some email addresses to add to the mailing list. FYI - I’ve heard that if you join the mailing list you may get the opportunity to download one of the shows that I have been recording, just saying. Buckethead Tavern turned out to be an extremely good venue and I hope that they get to play there again soon. As the night began to wind down, a small group of Buckethead patrons had gathered on the far end of the patio. They were fashioning Rorschach tests out of napkins and mustard and showing them to the band for musical interpretation. This led to a lot of original content written right there on the spot, which you can only hear if you join the mailing list and request access to this show, and covers that ranged from Neil Young, to Barry Manilow, to Camptown Races, to Leo Sayer, to Bjork. Again, all content you can exclusively if you subscribe. The show was so good, I almost forgot to order a well-creamed coffee Buckethead style, which you’ll only experience if you go to Buckethead Tavern. Tell ‘em Lil’ Randy sent you. Also, you’ll note that I am now spelling it Lil’ now instead of Little. I’m doing this in order to keep up with the ever growing trend of people that begin their name with Lil’ becoming famous for no apparent reason. So look for me in the next issue of GQ and/or Robust Journeys to the Gas Station with the Good Fried Chicken Monthly!
Please keep me in your thoughts. I believe I saw the raccoons having supplies air-dropped up on the ridge where they are camped because apparently those SOBs can fly helicopters and know how to do proper inventory of supplies. This revolution must be squelched before this Saturday’s show at CRAFTERS BREW in Oak Ridge, TN!